Have you helped someone through anxiety, only to make it worse?
If allowed, anxiety can become such a gripping and debilitating emotion. It can stop our teams from working productively in the workplace and from achieving their personal goals. This weeks podcast gives two practical tools to lead us, our teams and our people away from the negative effects of anxiety.
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Have you found yourself with a team member who is not performing because of fear and anxiety? Have you had a team member who you struggled to lead because they were dealing with anxiety?
Before I go further, let me clarify. I’m not here to teach you professional techniques for dealing with extreme anxiety. It’s important as leaders to understand our boundaries and refer on when necessary.
If you are trying to support someone who is facing anxiety, coming at the issue head on often won’t work. Let me explain. When we are dealing with anxiety or any overwhelming emotion, our frontal cortex, our reasoning brain ceases to operate well. When someone offers advice we find ourselves unable to properly process and it often causes anger and frustration for both persons.
The first and most helpful thing for a person in such a state is to recognise the anxiety. A simple comment like, ‘This project is causing you a decent amount of anxiety. Is that right?’ Or ‘I’ve seen a change in behaviour, and I want you to know I see you and I am here to support you’. When a person realises they have an ally it helps the anxiety valve start to release.
The next best step at this point is to ask questions. ‘What is it about this project that has you feeling anxious?’ ‘Is there anything at home contributing to what is happening?’ ‘Are you finding it difficult relating to someone on the team?’ ‘Are you concerned that you won’t finish the project on time?’ By asking questions you are encouraging them to move back to a reasoning state and it gives them a sense of control. This is vital.
If the answer to one of your questions is ‘no’. That’s fine, you haven’t bombed out. You have gained clarity on the issue and you are offering the person an opportunity to think through what is really happening within them.
The clarity you gain may help you understand what you can do to support them practically. Or the opportunity to talk things through may give your team member the clarity of mind to start working productively again.
In our society we are not taught to ask questions. So few of us are good at genuinely asking questions and listening. It is a skill you need to learn as a team leader. If you’re keen to learn more, contact me, I’d love to coach you, so that you can better coach your team.